A Pox on South Harting
Oh what smooth, smooth southern hills!
Much marched upon in cavalry twills
From Butser Hill to Haywards Heath
Blue sky above beech trees beneath
An early start at a quarter past seven
No time to take his wife to heaven
He’s first to the wet room to wash his bits
While trying not to think of his P.A’s tits
With four-wheel drive and travel rug
Grandma in the back snug as a bug
As back at home and at her post
The girl will cook the Sunday roast
Scandi-noire with a hint of dutch
Phones home a lot but doesn’t say much,
She lives on herring and Edam cheese
And reads ‘The Guardian if you please
The dog’s the latest designer breed’
One’s not quite sure which end to feed
The head of the house is a city gent,
Their country home a place in Kent.
They’ve almost arrived at the picnic site
Caspar’s been sick and doesn’t seem right
He’s failed his exams, on purpose they think
And the leather interior’s beginning to stink.
Then as they draw up to the top of the hill
Marigold joins in and is violently ill
The day has turned into a total farce
when granny inadvertently flashes her arse.
While reversing out of the passenger door
Her unmentionables slowly drift to the floor
I do beg your pardon but the elastic has gone
I could have sworn I put my best ones on
While back in Chiswick at the family home
The girl lifts her nose from some leftwing tome
Quite oblivious to the acrid black smoke
As her ear is nibbled by some Marxist bloke.
Later as they slowly unload the family car
And wave a fond farewell to dear grandma
The children have conveniently ceased to vomit
And rushed inside to watch Wallace and Gromit
The day out is ruined just like the lunch.
Now hubby is looking for someone to punch
And so is his wife by the look on her face
For a Ford Mondeo has parked in their space.
Bernard Pearson’s work appears in many publications, including; Aesthetica Magazine , The Edinburgh Review, Crossways, In 2017 a selection of his poetry ‘In Free Fall’ was published by Leaf by Leaf Press. In 2019 he won second prize in The Aurora Prize for Writing for his poem Manor Farm.