WHY CAN’T I FIND A JOB? – Simon Alderwick

why can’t I find a job?

I been chucking hundreds of CVs
out of the window of my car
(it’s a shame I can’t 
afford to buy gas)

I nailed my CV to a tree,
spray painted my CV to a wall,
wrote my CV out in biro
on the back door of a stall

I rolled up my CV
and I put it in a bottle,
filled the bottle up with petrol,
tore the shirt off my back

I stuffed the shirt into the bottle
and lit a match,
I threw the CV in a bottle
through the window of the bank

I’ve been memorising my CV
and reciting it at strangers,
I go up to their houses
and shout through their letterbox

I keep revising my CV
to make it look much better,
it says I’ve walked on the moon
and I discovered America

it says I can make pancakes,
speak in Spanish and sign language,
it says I know 
the true meaning of life

everybody lies on their CV
now anyway, and besides 
without a job
I don’t have an identity

I’ve been making origami boats
out of all my CVs,
I gently place them in the river
and I watch them sail away

I wipe my arse, I dry my hands 
with my CV;
I house trained my pup
with my employment history

Simon Alderwick, a writer and musician from London, has pieces in Whatever Keeps The Light On, Re-side, Raised Brow and The Daily Drunk. His work is included in forthcoming Squiffy Gnu and Gloucestershire Poetry Society anthologies. Follow him on Twitter @SimonAlderwick.